Brave Enough to Look Within

by Ryan

Last weekend I went to California for a swim meet. I came back to Colorado with a new American Record in my pocket, yet a lot of frustration about sprinting (which seemed to weigh much heavier than everything else in my luggage.)

I have never been known as much of a sprinter, before or after my accident. I have always struggled with being able to perform in such short spurts of time and energy. In high school it never seemed to add up to much of a problem because I would just swim something else; however, in the world of para-swimming there really isn't anything else.

My American Record was set in the 200 backstroke-- four times the distance that I am asked to sprint. My sprint events were terrible, but on some level I set myself up for that.

I am no stranger to self-deprecation, as am I no fool to placing blame on a weak performance. I know that sprinting is about confidence and courage and believing in yourself FAR more than it is about technique and training time and dedication to the actual sport. With all of that said, I know that it is, without a doubt, my fault that I can't sprint.

I can sprint in practice in beautiful strokes of confidence and poise. I can sprint with a smile and encouraging times. I just can't do it in a meet. This, I know, goes far deeper than just stroking, swimming, and sprinting...

For the past few months, I have begun challenging my athlete brain with the comforts of a sports psychologist. We have discussed many things that directly relate, and oddly don't relate to my performance in the water. Right now we are focusing on my sprint.

It's so scary and disappointing to acknowledge that I am the thing responsible for holding me back. It isn't my lack of motivation. It isn't my lack of desire. It isn't my willingness to train.

It is my own negativity and lack of confidence that stem much further than simply sport.

However, I am up for this challenge. I recognize that I am willing and wanting to repair my self-doubt and deprecating thoughts. All that I know is that I care enough to take this on. This challenge is far more difficult than any physical training and preparations I have ever known. It is unsettling and it is raw.

BUT for the first time, I'm brave enough, at last, to look within...

Be Brave Enough to Unite

by Trish, Ryan, Hannah, & Carrie

Team AWE kicked off its first official event at the inaugural Denver Triathlon last Sunday, July 24th.

Four women. Three sports. One and a half teams. One purpose.

We competed in the relay event, in which each member took on portions of swimming, cycling, and running. However, our teamwork began long before the actual race. After weeks of not planning, entering the race ended up as a last minute endeavor and was finalized late into the night before the triathlon.
"Carrie, my dog ate my handlebar tape. Do you have any??"
"Do you have any sunscreen, Hannah?"
"Ryan, do you know that we can't park at the lake in the morning and have to take a shuttle?"
"Is the shuttle accessible, Trish?"

Ironically, after all of the lack of planning we ended up at the same spot just before dawn. In the parking lot of Invesco Field, under the Colfax bridge,getting geared up and ready to go--a perfect spot to meet a team ready to rally for the competition to come. Most of our concerns seemed to resolve themselves as we sat in the parking lot.  With one able bodied guy from the race staff and Carrie running through the median between the cars, we came up with a game plan for the day.
One of the more difficult aspects to this particular triathlon was that it had 2 transition areas at 2 different locations.  In order to make it work for us; Trish and Ryan convinced the race officials to let Ryan park at the lake, so they loaded Hannah's bike & Ryan's wheelchair into the car and headed to the swim start and transition 1 at Sloan's Lake. Carrie hoped on the shuttle with her pilot for the day and also went to the lake. While waiting Trish took a nap in her car after being exhausted from a tough week of training in Oklahoma City and a delayed a flight the night before. She awoke to a text from Ryan saying she was out of the water and couldn't find Hannah on her bike. Finally Hannah found Ryan in the transition area and was on her way. During this whole process Carrie had completed a 13 minute swim and was well into her bike ride. Ryan loaded back up into the car and met up with Trish in transition 2  preparing  for her run. Trish crushed the run in a short time of  just over 16 minutes!  Job well done ladies!!

For something that started with such uncertainty, we came together and united at the finish line.  We took all of our individual strengths and made them work for one common effort.

Brave Enough to Change Your Mindset

by Ryan

A year ago I would have never thought that I would be here today with the fierceness and fire to swim and sacrifice so much simply for the sake to do so. However, now sitting here in this position, I couldn't imagine it any other way.

My world has turned into something I could have barely dreamed before. Somehow I have pushed myself to become someone like the swimmer I have always dreamed of being; but I am not sure if my psyche knows exactly how to keep up.

Last week, I sat among Olympians and Paralympians eating their lunches and going about their days just as "real" people do. Some kept under a strict diet of fruits and veggies. Some consumed upwards of 5,000 calories in that meal alone. And some just sat in the dining hall to enjoy the company of their teammates.

After being named a part of the ParaPan American Games Team, part of the requirements were to join the rest of the team in Colorado Springs at the Olympic Training Center for a meet and training camp for a few days over the summer. 

In the manner that I always seem to work myself up, I spent countless days and nights fretting about both meet and camp to the point where I think it actually affected my meet performance. Granted, I still swam my very best... but I couldn't help but feel that something extremely daunting and uncomfortable was holding me back. As always, it was myself. 

This training camp has taught me a lot, mostly about things that don't fit into a pool or sports complex of any kind. This camp taught me about how my mindset has to be as practiced and trained as the rest of my body. So for now, I will be spending extra attention and strength to get those things as fine-tuned as I am capable of so that the next time I spend a meal at the OTC, I won't feel like I have to question the invitation to do so.